… G Benson

1. What’s the time of the day when you feel most like yourself?

When my caffeine level hits the perfect level. What level is that you may ask? It’s completely arbitrary. One day, a single coffee is fine. Another day it takes three. Next day just two makes me jittery. It’s a fun way to figure out my day. Excuse me while I pause to make a coffee…

2. What’s your coffee order? 

Americano/long black/black coffee. I forget where I am sometimes and I try order a long black—no one understands what I want. If I’m feeling something a bit tastier, I get an oat milk mocha. Mmm.

3. Describe yourself in three words?

Impatient. Sarcastic. Disorganised.

4. What do you think of garden gnomes?

If we can insert a gif here, I just want to insert that gif of the never ending garden gnome mouth spiral that freaks out Clare Ashton. Because that is my entire thought on garden gnomes, I don’t think I’d ever thought about them before that moment and now I cackle to myself every time I do.

5. If red is over here and blue is over there, where are you? 

I’m gonna pretend this is the matrix, so I’m in the red section. Red pill all the way. Will Trinity and Neo be there?

6. What makes you smile? 

Coffee. My cats. Books with pretty covers. Books in general. Fanfiction. Snowboarding. *insert sappy thing about my wife*. The ocean. Camping. Our campervan. Queer things. Food. Getting on a plane.

7. Do you believe in soulmates?

…wow this tripped me up more than I thought. I think in the end, no. I don’t think there is only one perfect partner for you out there. I think there are lots of people who are compatible for you out there. But I think we find a person/a few people we gel with very well and chose them every day and that makes them your soulmate. And this goes for friends too, for sure.

8. Sea or mountains? 

I. Um. S—no. Moun—no. WAIT this is hard. Oh! I have a cheat, you said sea, not ocean, which I prefer so I’ll say mountains in this one. Ha. No hard decisions for me. I win.

9. What makes you cry?

I used to not be a crier. Now I well up at shows, heartwarming articles, adverts, books. What’s happening? Is this over 30? I know that’s why my back has decided to hurt randomly now, so maybe that’s what this is.

10. What personality trait gets you most often in trouble?

My complete lack of organizational skills. I try so, so hard. And just…fail. I forget things I said I’d do, places I said I’d be, dates something needs to be done. It’s not because I don’t care, promise! I even put it in my calendar, see it there, then woosh, the second I’m not looking at it anymore it’s gone bye-byes. People who send reminder texts are very compatible with me in life.

11.  What is the one thing you wish you could quit?

My inability to be organized. Is that a thing you can quit? Well, I’d quit it.

12. Do you believe in love at first sight? 

…wow getting deep. I’d say not love. But I’d 100% say connection at first sight that often develops into love. I really do think sometimes you just meet someone and in one second you inexplicably want to spend more time with them. Like with the soulmates question, I definitely believe this goes for friends, too.

13. In a crowded room, what makes you notice a woman?

If she’s standing near the coffee.

14. If you could do one thing to change someone’s life, what would that be?

Pay off all their debts. It’s a real pity that money is so important in life, but sadly it is. Being completely debt free could really change things for most people, I think, so I’d do that. 

15. What would be the title of your autobiography? 

“Just get a time planner”, and other advice that never works.

16. Three women you’d have over for dinner and what would you serve? 

Okay, look. I was going to say interesting famous people, but this pandemic is never ending and I haven’t seen most of my Australian people for four years now so: my bestie from Australia, my mum from Aus, and my aunt-who-is-like-my-mum from the UK. I’d cook them veggie lasagna. Look at me being sentimental. I swear this ties back to the crying question. It’s being over 30, isn’t it?

17. What is the one memory you’d give anything to relive?

The day I bungee jumped in Bali. That was a kick.

18. What’s in your fridge right now?

Chili ready to heat up for lunch, a lot of condiments, cheese (always), jamón (not for me but my wife is Spanish, there will never be a day there is no jamón), coffee (are you shocked?), lots of veg, chocolate, wine we opened at Christmas and shoved the cork back in after a glass then never reused that is now probably vinegar, yoghurt. That’s off the type of my head. Enjoy!

19. If you could choose one song to be played every time you enter a room, what song would that be and why? 

I COME FROM A LAND DOWN UNDER! That’s all that came into my head once I read this. Mostly I’d like the part to play about the vegemite sandwich.

20. What is your biggest achievement to date? 

I wrote books! Several! I did it! Me!

G Benson’s latest book, Dead Lez Walking can be found here: mybook.to/BensonLezWalking