… Haley Cass

1. What’s the time of the day when you feel most like yourself?
Between the hours of midnight and 5am is a great time for solitary Haley. I love when the world is asleep but I’m awake. I can do anything in these hours! Write, read, get lost in my thoughts, listen to my music super loudly and dance and pretend to sing (or actually sing). These hours often times drag on sooo slow? And that’s the time I love the most. Like time really moves slower, then. 

2. What’s your coffee order? 

I do not drink this beverage. And I knowwww, I’m weird. I can already see the look on your face (yes, you). 

3. How would you describe yourself in three words?

I’m overthinking this…

4. What do you think of garden gnomes?

I kind of love them? 

Have you ever watched The Amazing Race? And when they go on different legs of the race, they collect those little travelocity gnomes? I never really had strong feelings either way about these little suckers, but after binging TAR, I just turned to my binge–partner once and asked, “Do you think they get to keep those little guys???”

And my friend was like, “Uh. Why would they?”

I realized in that moment that - I do want to keep all of those little guys! I’d like to have a variety of them in my yard. 

5. Fauxmance or only one bed?

Uh. UM. Uh. Both? Both is good?

I’m having a hard and heavy debate right now, I’m not sure I can morally choose just one?! 

Like, fauxmance gives us - some delightfully logically illogical reason that two people are forced to come together and act like a couple? Usually they don’t necessarily get along at first? Who are they really fooling, their intended audience or THEMSELVES? Oh no, I’m falling for my girlfriend!!! What does it all mean?!

But then again, only one bed is delicious. It’s (typically) we already want one another, but the other one doesn’t know it yet or we can’t for some reason, but god the TENSION, it’s palpable, we are breathing it in, are we going to-?

Man. 

I want fauxmance where they are staying with the person (persons?) they are fooling, and so they are forced to share a bed. 

6. What makes you smile?
My cat

Jokes my friends tell that make no sense to anyone else

Babies

A really sweet romance scene in a book

Taylor Swift 

Feeling understood 

The moon

People tripping and falling (assuming they are uninjured)

Sunsets

7. Do you believe in soulmates?

Um… I guess in a manner of speaking? I don’t necessarily think there is a person out there for you. Like I don’t believe in The One. 

But I think there are people you are going to be more compatible with than others? The most thought I put into soulmates in a typical week is like, for soulmate AU’s

8. What author would you switch lives with for a day? 

I’m switching with JK Rowling, draining my accounts to trans and queer charities and groups, and then going on all socials to mock myself (JKR-me, not Haley-me)

9. What makes you cry?

Anything sad happening to elderly people

Most pixar movies

The first ten minutes of UP (though I guess that’s related to the first two…)

Sad song lyrics

Imagining awful scenarios that are likely to never happen but I still think about anyway

10. What’s your best feature?

My… glasses?

11.  What was the best and the worst thing about high school?

Having no bills or adult responsibilities - best part

Being surrounded by teenagers while having to wake up at 6:30AM - worst part 

12. Favorite movie character? 

Woods, Elle

A brilliant feminist who is all about supporting other women?! An absolute icon.

13. In a crowded room, what makes you notice a woman?

Her laugh. Like, someone who really just laughs at something, unashamedly 

14. What’s one thing you wish more people did?

Take my tv show recommendations

15. What would be the title of your autobiography?

My Therapist Will Hear About This, Someday

16.  If you could be reincarnated as any animal, what would you be? 

A CAT. A housecat, too, not like a big jungle cat or anything like that. I don’t want to have to worry about poachers (which is also why I didn’t choose my favorite animal, an elephant). And my owners better not be people who have outdoor cats, either. No. 

I want some good, responsible indoor cat lady, who gives me treats and feeds me the kind of food I like, and wants to cuddle when I want to cuddle, lets me nap half the day, buys me a fun playground tree thing… Cats have the life. 

17. What would you do with a million dollars?

I mean… if I’m answering this realistically, I would treat myself to a once in a lifetime vacation and then save and invest the rest. This isn’t my parent’s generation D: I can’t retire from that!!!

But after all of the 20 Questions, I am also going to anonymously send lil gnomes to all of the people in these interviews who don’t love them.

I guess that takes away the mystery though. 

18. What’s the one thing you don’t leave home without (wallet/phone/keys don’t count)?

Girl, my backpack. Does that count? It IS technically one item, it just also houses a billion little items that I am almost always carrying around with me. Laptop, notebook, pens, earbuds, chapstick, sweater, and a variety of all chargers one might possibly need. Maybe… more than one might possibly need? Like, do I have to have a laptop charger, ipad charger, multiple phone chargers at all points in time? 

… probably not. BUT WHAT IF!

My laptop might be the most well traveled laptop of all time (always carried in that backpack), so if I had to take one item from it, it would be that lappytoppy. Honestly, so often I don’t even take it out. But I am always struck with the thought that I may have a good idea somewhere, at some point! 

19. If you could choose one song to be played every time you enter a room, what song would that be and why? 

The very first thought I had here was that annoying Nokia ringtone? You know the one. 

Okay, but I’m gonna change my tune (ba dum tsh), and use Eye of the Tiger, so that everyone gets pumped.

20. What’s the one book you wish you could read again for the first time? 

The Seven Husbands of Evelyn [fucking] Hugo! 

There shall never be a book that destroys me emotionally the way this book did. Sometimes when I feel like I really need to emotionally decapitate myself, I go back and reread all of the highlighted passages I have (which, conveniently) are the ones that make one want to rip their heart out. 

Haley Cass’ latest novel, Down To A Science can be found following this link: https://mybook.to/CassScience