1 Question Halloween Edition

For Halloween, I ask the beloved authors a question that has been on my mind ever since I went to a Halloween Party in a particularly strange costume and got asked all these interesting questions about it.

Here goes:

If you were to rob a bank on Halloween, what would your costume be and why?

Jae

I would have said the Bullet Blondes from Legends of Tomorrow https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=XaUMv37JV88, but since I can’t walk in high heels without breaking either an ankle or my neck (possibly both!), I’ll go with the classic: Robin Hood! Because I would, of course, give the money to someone who needs it.

Roslyn Sinclair

If this were an American bank I’d dress up as a billionaire, walk in, say I was simply entitled to all the money I wanted, and accept it by the bucketful. I’m pretty sure that’s how it works. I might also dress up my wife as a congressperson to be more convincing.

Virginia Black

Anything that made me look like a tall, beefy white guy under the costume.

Lily Seabrooke

If I were robbing a bank on Halloween, I feel like the clear answer is to dress up as a bank robber. Then everyone's going to assume it's all just part of an act, right? They can hand over all the money just to play along with the gag, and we can all laugh along with it. Is that cheating? I feel like it is.

Jaqueline Ramsden

I'd dress as a new employee at the bank. Come in at opening, have a reason to be wandering around all of the vaults and such, and use the excuse that I'm new and lost if anyone catches me somewhere in not supposed to be

Karin Kallmaker

First of all, I want to make it clear that I have no plans to rob a bank on Halloween this year. However, being the kind of person who imagines outrageous scenarios and calls it “research,” I get that it would make sense to rob a bank on Halloween because adults in costumes aren’t strange on that day, and no, I don’t know why we all wait for one day a year to go about our business in costumes as if we need permission, when all it takes is imagination and a credit card to be Wonder Woman 24/7/365.

So yes, I do think wearing a costume to rob a bank is a good idea. But it can’t be just any costume. It needs to be the right costume to stash the loot and disappear. Bulging suitcases or bags that say MONEY on them are going to draw attention when alarms start clanging. What I’d want is a costume with a very tall hat. And if that costume blended into the surrounding area, even better. For example, if the bank were near a park, then I would want a costume that blended into nature. Tall hat? Blends into a nature? Two words: garden gnome.

Barbara Winkes

It would be either be a clown, or Wonder Woman, depending on whether I'd want to look scary or cool. The latter might suggest I'd spend the money on a good cause (which would partly be the case - like more sapphic media in the world).

Monical McCallan

I love a good heist, so I'd dress/impersonate the armed guards that pick up money from the bank. Hopefully, I'd be able to pull off the robbery without them ever knowing! Granted, I'd also have to replicate the armored vehicle, figure out the pickup routes and security detail, and incapacitate the normal delivery personnel, but that still seems far more probably than successfully committing a robbery in broad daylight. It has to be very Thomas Crown Affair because if they catch me, I'd absolutely crack under the pressure.

Haley Cass

I would dress as big bird. Because I would have my entire identity concealed, and imagine that news story? Big bird robs a bank? Traumatizing for everyone, that's a great Halloween story.

Frankie Fyre

First thought is a disguise FBI agent uniform which would probably too literal because I'm thinking about an actually successful heist! On second thought, let’s go with a giant taco uniform!

Rachel Lacey

I would dress as Dana Scully from the X Files, since I've already got the red hair, and who would expect the legendary Agent Scully to rob a bank?! Hopefully no one would remember my face afterward, only hers. (Let's be real, though - Scully and I are both too straitlaced to ever rob a bank, but I've always wanted to dress up as her, so this seems like a good excuse!)

Jamey Moody

If I were to rob a bank on Halloween, I’d dress as the sweetest little grandma complete with a gray wig, a big purse to carry the money in, and a cane that shoots tranquillizing darts to aid in my getaway.

Lucy Bexley

I would absolutely dress up as Carson from A League of Their Own because I’d be dressed to run for my quick escape and also she kept encouraging her team to rob the bank.

It’s clear she wouldn’t have any moral issues with it, is what I’m saying. I’m not-so-secretly hoping everyone picks this option, just like I expect everyone at the queer Halloween party I’m going to this weekend to be dressed as Rockford Peaches.

Let’s go, fruits!

KL Gallagher

I think I’d dress as a mummy in a trench coat, with head to toe dressing, lifted shoes, and a common Halloween mask found at any box store to hide my features. I’m an ornery pacifist by nature, so while the devil on my shoulder would convince me to commit the crime, the little angel on my other one would make sure I do so without violence. This outfit would give me the best chance of getting away without anyone getting hurt. Well, at least not physically hurt. I’d go during peak hours on Halloween to take advantage of the costumed customers, even turning one of them into my unwitting accomplice. I’d slide a note to the teller closest to the door, demanding she empty her drawer in silence and keep her hands on the counter until I was long gone or the Michael Myers look alike standing two people behind me would follow her home. Then I’d ditch the trench coat and mask on my way to the arriving City bus to get as far away from the bank as possible.

KC Luck

I would go with being a clown in full face paint and frizzy rainbow wig. Not only would this hide my identity, but clowns tend to freak people out enough that the teller would just give me the money to get me the heck out of the bank. The big red clown shoes might be a problem during the getaway though.

Ana Hartnett Reichardt

My costume would be a “bounced check”. Imagine my body as the check, and I’ll have a little trampoline as the “bounced”. It’s perfect on every level. 1. If I’m robbing a bank, I’ve probably had quite a few checks bounce recently. 2. The mini trampoline will help “bounce” me over the counter to get that sweet sweet cash. 3. I will blend in with the bank, being a check and all. 4. Poetic justice.

Tagan Shepard

I would definitely wear my Mario costume. It has a mustache and low slung hat, so not much of my face would show. Long sleeves cover my tattoos. And the big fake belly can be swapped out for a bag of cash and no one would know!

Jeannie Levig

I’d dress up as Robin Hood, give all the money I stole to the poor, and then go have my way with Maid Marion.

Clare Ashton

This question has caught me going into hibernation with a stack blankets and romance novels. I'm all set for autumn and winter comforts, so going out and robbing a bank sounds a bit extrovert and peopley at this point. Can I hack a finance system from the comfort of own home? In perhaps a pair of Halloween pyjamas?

Georgia Beers

My costume would be an ice queen power suit, a la Bette Porter. The reasons are as follows: I would look like I'm supposed to be there, a high-powered executive probably there to "have a word with the manager." I would have done research on the tellers ahead of time and know exactly which one would be dazzled by an ice queen. Then I'd stride up to the window, hand over my note telling her to give me all the cash, and she would because she wouldn't want to deal with my wrath if she didn't (plus, she'd be super attracted to me, so would want to give me whatever I requested of her). Then I would stride out of there, head held high, and nobody would mess with me because they'd all be afraid of me (and probably super attracted to me).

Happy Halloween to you all! Thank you for being amazing and for all the support you provide to your favorite sapphic fiction authors.

If you’re wondering what the best Halloween gift is for an author - the answer to this one is simple because it is always the same answer - reviews! Leave a review on a book you’ve enjoyed and make an author’s day!

Sending much love!